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Henry looked over his schedule for the day. Appointments with patients filled most of the day, but there was a lunch meeting with another psychologist in the building and a phone conference with Will Gardiner at 3 o’clock. He found himself looking forward to his conference with Will. They had gone to college together and fortunately stayed in tough even after Will’s accident. What had started out as a doctor/client relationship quickly turned into a real friendship. Will had another therapist now and Henry had a good friend.
“Doctor Pearce,” said his receptionist, Patty, “You have a call on line two.”
“Did they say who it was?”
“Of course. It’s Mister Van Cleve.”
“Did he say what he wanted?”
“Not that I could make out.”
“Thank you, Patty.” Henry took a minute before answering line two. Though Mister Van Cleve was no longer a teacher, Henry was still one of his favorite students. A lonely man in his late 70s, Mister Van Cleve looked upon Henry as a surrogate son. His wife had died three years before and they had had no children. Henry could no more turn him away than he could his own father. Best of all, Mister Van Cleve remembered Hannah and liked her. Anyone who liked Hannah would always have a place in Henry’s life.
“Mister Van Cleve, it’s good to hear from you. I can’t talk long. I have a 10 o’clock and she’s always early.”
“Henry, what are your plans with your lovely family this weekend?”
“My father is coming in. Would you care to join us? I know Molly would love to have you and Emma adores her Uncle V.”
“That’s very kind of you, but I’m planning an out of town excursion on Saturday. Visit some of the old battlegrounds. Thought you might like to join me.”
“I would, but with Dad coming in, I don’t think it would be a very good idea. Are you sure I can’t tempt you into joining us instead? I know Dad would love to see you.”
“Well, if you’re sure I wouldn’t be intruding....”
“Not possible. Come by Friday evening if you want and I’ll make up the spare room for you.”
“Saturday morning will be soon enough. Don’t want to wear out my welcome before it’s even begun. Anything you’d like me to bring?”
“Just yourself. Mister V, I have to let you go know. Why don’t you call Molly and let her know you’ll be joining us this weekend?”
“Well, if you’re sure I won’t be interrupting her.”
“I’m sure she’ll welcome the distraction. Talk to you later. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Henry hung up the phone and opened his file on Ms. McAlister. Sometimes he had to wonder how he made it through the day. A thousand things went through his mind. Sometimes it hurt to realize that there was only so much he could do. Only so many people he could help and then only if they wanted to be helped. He was saddened to realize how many people did not want help or refused to believe they needed it. People who just knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was nothing wrong with them. And not only that, but that they were the only ones in a position to help other people.
They could see a situation and not realize that despite some minor surface differences, they were in the same situation. That despite all the prostestations of love and support, they were in relationships that were not only hurting them, but hurting others. But to change things, to make things better, they would have to change those relationships and that was too high a price to pay. Why couldn’t they see that the price they were paying for not changing was infinitely higher? Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. Why do we have to know the devil at all?
Henry knew that quite a few of his observations on people’s stubbornness to change had almost everything to do with Hannah Michelle. He had no problems with how much she loved her work or that she enjoyed being a loner. It was her inability to reach out, to connect with anyone but him, that concerned him. Humans go insane without the contact of other humans. Animals even, without interaction of some kind. Although of course, insane might not be the right word to use for an animal, but still.
“Doctor, Ms. McAlister is here.”
“Send her in.”
Henry made it through Ms. McAlister and his other patients, preoccupied with thoughts of his family. Luckily for him, there was nothing earth shattering or even different with his patients today. Same old problems, same old habits, same old shit. He wondered why some of them even bothered with therapy. Some, like Ms. McAlister, he knew just did it because they had the money and could. One of his patients was there by court order. Some of them did want to change, but it was too scary. Always comes back to the devil you know.
“Doctor, Mister Gardiner is on line one.”
“Thanks, Patty.”
“Will.”
“Henry, how’s your day been?”
“Same old, same old. How’s yours?”
“Same old, same old. Did get an interesting request from a client today. He wanted to know if I could find out for him when the United Methodist church began an open table policy for communion. Seems he was raised in the Methodist church before it became united and doesn’t remember it being that way.”
“What did you find out?”
“Not much yet. I came damn close to telling him to check with his local reference librarian, but then I got curious about it as well. Dad and Betty just joined their fourth, or is it fifth, church and it’s Methodist. It’s fun confounding Betty when she gets all gung ho about a new religion.”
“So they still haven’t found what their looking for?”
“I should never have introduced you to U2. No. That wonderful snap of the fingers and everything will be all right that doesn’t exist. I’m glad they have each other and all, but. Family’s a bitch, ain’t it.”
“Too true. Speaking of family, did your brother get that position at State?”
“Yeah. Started last fall. Seems to really like it there. He’s all ready got most of the support staff eating out of his hand and the students think he’s the second coming of Bill Gates. Or Steve Jobs anyway. He doesn’t have a girl friend yet that I know of. Didn’t you say your sister works there?”
“Don’t even think that, much less suggest it. I think the last guy who tried asking Hannah out just got off crutches and that was last year. I love her to death, but she’s not the girl for anyone’s brother, much less one of my best friends.”
“One of?”
“Well, you kinda have to come after Molly. She’d kill me if you didn’t.”
“Since I’m only out ranked by Molly, I’ll let it slide. Any chance of you guys coming up for dinner next week?”
“Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem. What day did you have in mind?”
“Wednesday. I’ll make that chocolate cake Emma loves so much.”
“Wonderful. Sugar her up and then send her home with Molly and me. And you wonder why you’re only one of my best friends. How’s the research for the book going?”
“Slow. I don’t know what possessed me to think I could write a book. I can barely write an e-mail. Hell, I can barely speak, much less write.”
“Don’t seem to be having any problems speaking that I can tell. It’s getting you to shut up that’s always been my problem.”
“Ha, ha. Just for that I’m doubling the sugar in the chocolate cake. You’re dad coming down for the weekend?”
“Yeah, he is. How’d you know? You been talking to Molly behind my back?”
“No. Like that would do me any good. I just remember that you’re mom’s birthday is Sunday and I’ve noticed he seems to make it a point to be with you guys that day.”
“Yeah, he does. He never admits it though. He always just happens to be passing through or it’s been so long since he’s seen his girls. This year he wants to check up on Molly and the new baby. Make sure everything is developing properly.”
“He’s trading the law in for obstetrics? Smart move, but I wouldn’t want to practice on my daughter in law. That’s just gross.”
“I’ll point that out to him. Give us a call. I’m sure he’d love to talk to you. Please. It’ll help keep out from under Molly’s feet. She’s all ready threatening me if I do the same thing after I retire. I don’t want to find out if she’s intending on keeping them and I certainly don’t want her practicing on my father.”
“Is Hannah Michelle going to be there?”
“No. I got a letter from her saying Dad called her at work and invited her to come down, but she claims work takes priority. How do Doug and your dad get along?”
“They do fine. Doug and Betty are a completely different story though. She doesn’t understand why he isn’t making a ton of money actually being the next Bill Gates and he doesn’t understand that she doesn’t get that teaching makes him perfectly happy, especially at the university level. Have I told you the latest? Betty has become convinced Doug is gay and is making it her mission to find the perfect man for him.”
“Are you sure she’s not doing this on purpose? I don’t think anyone can be that dense.”
“Believe me. Betty can.”
“Is she having any luck?”
“Yes and no. The guys she’s finding for him are good choices, if you like men.”
“Which Doug doesn’t.”
“Which Doug doesn’t. I’m just worried she’s going to have to walk in on him actually having sex with a woman or two before she’ll give up this silly idea.”
“Where did she get the idea anyway?”
“Watching Seinfeld I think. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
A light tapping at the door signalled Patty a second before her head appeared around the door.
“Hang on a sec. Yes, Patty.”
“Doctor McMillan called. He’d like a consult with you at 3:30pm in his office.”
Henry hung his head. “Tell him I’ll be there.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Will, I’m going to have to let you go. I’m needed for a consult in a few minutes. Call this weekend. We need to make arrangements for Wednesday anyway.”
“Will do. Give the girls my love. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Having finished her research for the time being, Hannah gets her things together. She wants to check some of her insights from the reading with the research in the lab. Not looking, or even thinking about what she is doing, she barrels out of the library doors and directly into a young man on his way in.
“Would you look where you’re going?”
“I was. I even tried to get out of your way, but it didn’t do any good.”
“Then trying backing up next time.” Hannah tries to get past him.
“I can look forward to a next time?”
“What?”
“You said I should try backing up next time and I asked you if I can look forward to a next time?” The young man smiled at her. Hannah was confused. Nobody smiled at her. Ever.
“Why would you look forward into running into someone?”
“Because I like that person usually.”
“But you don’t like me.”
“I don’t know you.”
“You won’t like me. No one does.” Hannah tried again to get around the confusing young man.
“I’m not no one. I’m Doug Gardiner. Nice to meet you.” He put his hand out to shake.
Hannah looked at him as though he were trying to give her a contagious disease.
“I’m introducing myself. My name is Doug Gardiner. Your name is....”
“Hannah Pearce. Look, thanks for being nice and all, but I really need to get back to work.”
“Could I walk you?”
“Why?”
“You ask a lot of questions.”
“I’m a scientist.”
“Me too. What’s your field?” Doug had not moved nor had he allowed Hannah to move.
“Electrical engineering. Are you going to let me by or not?”
“You haven’t answered my question.”
“What question?”
“Can I walk you to where you are going?” He over pronounced each word while making his eyes very wide trying to get her to smile. He threw in a couple of walking hand motions as well to see if that would help. It didn’t.
“No.” Hannah moved to get by him again and this time he let her pass.
“You’re welcome.”
Hannah stopped and turned around.
“Are we having the same conversation? For that matter, why are we having a convesation? I don’t know you. I don’t want to know you. I don’t want to know anybody.”
“That’s kinda sad.”
“Sad or not, it’s what I want. Now leave me alone.”
Hannah headed off in the direction of the research lab. Doug watched her a moment, then fell in step behind her. She was so caught up in her own thoughts of the encounter that it took her awhile to realize someone was following her.
“Are you retarded? I told you you could not walk me to MacNair Hall. Now beat it.”
“Ah, a Michael Jackson fan. I must admit, I really think he peaked with Thriller. Now Janet on the other hand....”
“Are you a masochist? Do you enjoy being treated like shit? Or do you get off harrassing women who want to be left alone?”
“I’m not a masochist, although I haven’t really tried anything kinky. I do not enjoy being treated like shit nor do I get off on harrassing women and I don’t believe anyone really wants to be alone. Not even you.”
“You don’t know anything about me.”
“I’ve seen you around campus. Always alone. Always in black. Always with a bad attitude judging by the look on your face. I get that some people need more alone time than others, but in my observation, and not so humble opinion, you’ve had too much.”
“Great. Another fucking shrink. Why me, huh, why me?”
“Because you’re interesting. Because there has to be more than bad attitude and black clothes. And I’m not a shrink. I’m a computer programmer. Computer scientist. Something we have in common.”
“I hate computes. I hate technology. And I hate being treated like a lab experiment because you’re interested or curious or whatever about the campus crank. I like my life how it is. Why is that so hard for people to understand?”
“What people?”
“My... I don’t want to talk to you about anything, much less my family.”
“Wow. She has a family. Will wonders never cease? You know, if we had walked as you yelled at me, we could be at MacNair Hall now.”
“I’m not yelling at you. You’ll know when I yell.”
“Okay, your volume wasn’t that great, but the emotional intent was the same. Why do you hate computers and technology?” Doug started walking in the direction of MacNair Hall. Hannah actually hurried to catch up to him.
“Why are you talking to me? I’ve made it clear, or at least it should be clear to most thinking humans, that I don’t want company.”
“Abundantly clear. Crystal even. If you don’t want to talk to me, don’t answer. Just because I’m walking beside you and talking doesn’t mean you have to answer. I would have thought an avowed hermit would understand that.”
“I’m not an avowed hermit.”
“You don’t want to get to know me. You don’t want to know anybody and you want to be left alone. Pretty much describes a hermit by any definition I’ve ever heard. Except they usually live way far away from other people and don’t have good personal hygiene. So, okay, maybe not an avowed hermit, but you do show tendancies toward anti-social behavior. Hmm, I wonder why someone would hate technology?”
They continued walking towards MacNair Hall. Hannah felt herself wanting to answer him, wanting to talk to him, yet she also wanted him to go away. She didn’t understand any of this. She didn’t like change. She didn’t like her routine to be disrupted and here was this... this... man who wouldn’t go away. Who wouldn’t leave her alone. Who wouldn’t do what she wanted. She smiled. That at least made him like everyone else she knows.
“A smile. I wonder what could have caused that.”
“Not you. Not directly anyway.”
“I’m the indirect cause of Hannah Pearce smiling. I can die happy.”
“You’re easy.”
“Shh. Don’t tell anyone. I have my reputation to think of.”
“What reputation?”
“As being a hard ass, take no prisoners, love ‘em and leave ‘em programmer extraordinaire.”
“I thought computer geeks only got girls they designed with Photoshop.”
“Photoshop? I thought you hated computers.”
“I do. Doesn’t mean I don’t know anything about them or the software.”
“Layered. Complex. I like that in a woman.”
“A man who knows what he likes. The end of the world must be near.”
“Only until Tuesday. Then we get a do over.”
“Any particular reason we get a do over on Tuesday?”
“God likes Tuesday.”
“More than the other days of the week?”
“Yeah, but don’t tell. Wednesday gets incredibly jealous.”
“What about Sunday?”
“Everyone else makes such a big deal about it, Sunday’s okay with Tuesday being the favorite. Besides, all God does on Sunday is watch football and sleep.”
“Definitive proof that God is male.”
“Actually he has that whole ‘transcends sexuality’ thing going for him, but Sundays are good for napping.”
Hannah looked up and found the were standing outside the entrance to her lab. She really did have a ton of work to do. So why did she want to continue this conversation? Maybe it had just been too long since she really talked to anyone that wasn’t Henry or work related and it was nice. But nice was strange. Nice was abnormal. Nice was not something that Hannah did well. At least not for long.
“We’re here. Thanks for the walk. And the conversation. It was nice. Bye, Doug.” Hannah stuck out her hand a little awkwardly for a hand shake. Doug took her hand and held it in both of his. They were so warm, but Hannah Michelle didn’t think it was just from his body heat. But what else could it be from?
“I’d like to do this again sometime.”
“Be insulted?”
“Be challenged to be interesting enough for you.”
Hannah took her hand back. He didn’t want to let go at first, but then he moved his hands just enough and she was free. She looked up into his blue eyes, confused. All she saw there was warmth and interest, reassurance. Not laughter. It didn’t look like he was making fun of her, but what else could he be doing. Why would any one want to interest her? It wasn’t like she pretended to be something she wasn’t. She wasn’t a nice person and she didn’t know how to deal with people. She was short tempered and impatient and mean to most everyone she dealt with. She knew that.
“That’s not necessary. Maybe I’ll see you around.” She turned and entered the building as quickly as she could without running.
Doug stood there for a few minutes, just watching her head up to the second floor through the glass entry way to the building. Life would be so much simpler if you could pick who you like, who you’re attracted to. But you don’t and it’s not.
Henry looked over his schedule for the day. Appointments with patients filled most of the day, but there was a lunch meeting with another psychologist in the building and a phone conference with Will Gardiner at 3 o’clock. He found himself looking forward to his conference with Will. They had gone to college together and fortunately stayed in tough even after Will’s accident. What had started out as a doctor/client relationship quickly turned into a real friendship. Will had another therapist now and Henry had a good friend.
“Doctor Pearce,” said his receptionist, Patty, “You have a call on line two.”
“Did they say who it was?”
“Of course. It’s Mister Van Cleve.”
“Did he say what he wanted?”
“Not that I could make out.”
“Thank you, Patty.” Henry took a minute before answering line two. Though Mister Van Cleve was no longer a teacher, Henry was still one of his favorite students. A lonely man in his late 70s, Mister Van Cleve looked upon Henry as a surrogate son. His wife had died three years before and they had had no children. Henry could no more turn him away than he could his own father. Best of all, Mister Van Cleve remembered Hannah and liked her. Anyone who liked Hannah would always have a place in Henry’s life.
“Mister Van Cleve, it’s good to hear from you. I can’t talk long. I have a 10 o’clock and she’s always early.”
“Henry, what are your plans with your lovely family this weekend?”
“My father is coming in. Would you care to join us? I know Molly would love to have you and Emma adores her Uncle V.”
“That’s very kind of you, but I’m planning an out of town excursion on Saturday. Visit some of the old battlegrounds. Thought you might like to join me.”
“I would, but with Dad coming in, I don’t think it would be a very good idea. Are you sure I can’t tempt you into joining us instead? I know Dad would love to see you.”
“Well, if you’re sure I wouldn’t be intruding....”
“Not possible. Come by Friday evening if you want and I’ll make up the spare room for you.”
“Saturday morning will be soon enough. Don’t want to wear out my welcome before it’s even begun. Anything you’d like me to bring?”
“Just yourself. Mister V, I have to let you go know. Why don’t you call Molly and let her know you’ll be joining us this weekend?”
“Well, if you’re sure I won’t be interrupting her.”
“I’m sure she’ll welcome the distraction. Talk to you later. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Henry hung up the phone and opened his file on Ms. McAlister. Sometimes he had to wonder how he made it through the day. A thousand things went through his mind. Sometimes it hurt to realize that there was only so much he could do. Only so many people he could help and then only if they wanted to be helped. He was saddened to realize how many people did not want help or refused to believe they needed it. People who just knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was nothing wrong with them. And not only that, but that they were the only ones in a position to help other people.
They could see a situation and not realize that despite some minor surface differences, they were in the same situation. That despite all the prostestations of love and support, they were in relationships that were not only hurting them, but hurting others. But to change things, to make things better, they would have to change those relationships and that was too high a price to pay. Why couldn’t they see that the price they were paying for not changing was infinitely higher? Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. Why do we have to know the devil at all?
Henry knew that quite a few of his observations on people’s stubbornness to change had almost everything to do with Hannah Michelle. He had no problems with how much she loved her work or that she enjoyed being a loner. It was her inability to reach out, to connect with anyone but him, that concerned him. Humans go insane without the contact of other humans. Animals even, without interaction of some kind. Although of course, insane might not be the right word to use for an animal, but still.
“Doctor, Ms. McAlister is here.”
“Send her in.”
Henry made it through Ms. McAlister and his other patients, preoccupied with thoughts of his family. Luckily for him, there was nothing earth shattering or even different with his patients today. Same old problems, same old habits, same old shit. He wondered why some of them even bothered with therapy. Some, like Ms. McAlister, he knew just did it because they had the money and could. One of his patients was there by court order. Some of them did want to change, but it was too scary. Always comes back to the devil you know.
“Doctor, Mister Gardiner is on line one.”
“Thanks, Patty.”
“Will.”
“Henry, how’s your day been?”
“Same old, same old. How’s yours?”
“Same old, same old. Did get an interesting request from a client today. He wanted to know if I could find out for him when the United Methodist church began an open table policy for communion. Seems he was raised in the Methodist church before it became united and doesn’t remember it being that way.”
“What did you find out?”
“Not much yet. I came damn close to telling him to check with his local reference librarian, but then I got curious about it as well. Dad and Betty just joined their fourth, or is it fifth, church and it’s Methodist. It’s fun confounding Betty when she gets all gung ho about a new religion.”
“So they still haven’t found what their looking for?”
“I should never have introduced you to U2. No. That wonderful snap of the fingers and everything will be all right that doesn’t exist. I’m glad they have each other and all, but. Family’s a bitch, ain’t it.”
“Too true. Speaking of family, did your brother get that position at State?”
“Yeah. Started last fall. Seems to really like it there. He’s all ready got most of the support staff eating out of his hand and the students think he’s the second coming of Bill Gates. Or Steve Jobs anyway. He doesn’t have a girl friend yet that I know of. Didn’t you say your sister works there?”
“Don’t even think that, much less suggest it. I think the last guy who tried asking Hannah out just got off crutches and that was last year. I love her to death, but she’s not the girl for anyone’s brother, much less one of my best friends.”
“One of?”
“Well, you kinda have to come after Molly. She’d kill me if you didn’t.”
“Since I’m only out ranked by Molly, I’ll let it slide. Any chance of you guys coming up for dinner next week?”
“Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem. What day did you have in mind?”
“Wednesday. I’ll make that chocolate cake Emma loves so much.”
“Wonderful. Sugar her up and then send her home with Molly and me. And you wonder why you’re only one of my best friends. How’s the research for the book going?”
“Slow. I don’t know what possessed me to think I could write a book. I can barely write an e-mail. Hell, I can barely speak, much less write.”
“Don’t seem to be having any problems speaking that I can tell. It’s getting you to shut up that’s always been my problem.”
“Ha, ha. Just for that I’m doubling the sugar in the chocolate cake. You’re dad coming down for the weekend?”
“Yeah, he is. How’d you know? You been talking to Molly behind my back?”
“No. Like that would do me any good. I just remember that you’re mom’s birthday is Sunday and I’ve noticed he seems to make it a point to be with you guys that day.”
“Yeah, he does. He never admits it though. He always just happens to be passing through or it’s been so long since he’s seen his girls. This year he wants to check up on Molly and the new baby. Make sure everything is developing properly.”
“He’s trading the law in for obstetrics? Smart move, but I wouldn’t want to practice on my daughter in law. That’s just gross.”
“I’ll point that out to him. Give us a call. I’m sure he’d love to talk to you. Please. It’ll help keep out from under Molly’s feet. She’s all ready threatening me if I do the same thing after I retire. I don’t want to find out if she’s intending on keeping them and I certainly don’t want her practicing on my father.”
“Is Hannah Michelle going to be there?”
“No. I got a letter from her saying Dad called her at work and invited her to come down, but she claims work takes priority. How do Doug and your dad get along?”
“They do fine. Doug and Betty are a completely different story though. She doesn’t understand why he isn’t making a ton of money actually being the next Bill Gates and he doesn’t understand that she doesn’t get that teaching makes him perfectly happy, especially at the university level. Have I told you the latest? Betty has become convinced Doug is gay and is making it her mission to find the perfect man for him.”
“Are you sure she’s not doing this on purpose? I don’t think anyone can be that dense.”
“Believe me. Betty can.”
“Is she having any luck?”
“Yes and no. The guys she’s finding for him are good choices, if you like men.”
“Which Doug doesn’t.”
“Which Doug doesn’t. I’m just worried she’s going to have to walk in on him actually having sex with a woman or two before she’ll give up this silly idea.”
“Where did she get the idea anyway?”
“Watching Seinfeld I think. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
A light tapping at the door signalled Patty a second before her head appeared around the door.
“Hang on a sec. Yes, Patty.”
“Doctor McMillan called. He’d like a consult with you at 3:30pm in his office.”
Henry hung his head. “Tell him I’ll be there.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Will, I’m going to have to let you go. I’m needed for a consult in a few minutes. Call this weekend. We need to make arrangements for Wednesday anyway.”
“Will do. Give the girls my love. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Having finished her research for the time being, Hannah gets her things together. She wants to check some of her insights from the reading with the research in the lab. Not looking, or even thinking about what she is doing, she barrels out of the library doors and directly into a young man on his way in.
“Would you look where you’re going?”
“I was. I even tried to get out of your way, but it didn’t do any good.”
“Then trying backing up next time.” Hannah tries to get past him.
“I can look forward to a next time?”
“What?”
“You said I should try backing up next time and I asked you if I can look forward to a next time?” The young man smiled at her. Hannah was confused. Nobody smiled at her. Ever.
“Why would you look forward into running into someone?”
“Because I like that person usually.”
“But you don’t like me.”
“I don’t know you.”
“You won’t like me. No one does.” Hannah tried again to get around the confusing young man.
“I’m not no one. I’m Doug Gardiner. Nice to meet you.” He put his hand out to shake.
Hannah looked at him as though he were trying to give her a contagious disease.
“I’m introducing myself. My name is Doug Gardiner. Your name is....”
“Hannah Pearce. Look, thanks for being nice and all, but I really need to get back to work.”
“Could I walk you?”
“Why?”
“You ask a lot of questions.”
“I’m a scientist.”
“Me too. What’s your field?” Doug had not moved nor had he allowed Hannah to move.
“Electrical engineering. Are you going to let me by or not?”
“You haven’t answered my question.”
“What question?”
“Can I walk you to where you are going?” He over pronounced each word while making his eyes very wide trying to get her to smile. He threw in a couple of walking hand motions as well to see if that would help. It didn’t.
“No.” Hannah moved to get by him again and this time he let her pass.
“You’re welcome.”
Hannah stopped and turned around.
“Are we having the same conversation? For that matter, why are we having a convesation? I don’t know you. I don’t want to know you. I don’t want to know anybody.”
“That’s kinda sad.”
“Sad or not, it’s what I want. Now leave me alone.”
Hannah headed off in the direction of the research lab. Doug watched her a moment, then fell in step behind her. She was so caught up in her own thoughts of the encounter that it took her awhile to realize someone was following her.
“Are you retarded? I told you you could not walk me to MacNair Hall. Now beat it.”
“Ah, a Michael Jackson fan. I must admit, I really think he peaked with Thriller. Now Janet on the other hand....”
“Are you a masochist? Do you enjoy being treated like shit? Or do you get off harrassing women who want to be left alone?”
“I’m not a masochist, although I haven’t really tried anything kinky. I do not enjoy being treated like shit nor do I get off on harrassing women and I don’t believe anyone really wants to be alone. Not even you.”
“You don’t know anything about me.”
“I’ve seen you around campus. Always alone. Always in black. Always with a bad attitude judging by the look on your face. I get that some people need more alone time than others, but in my observation, and not so humble opinion, you’ve had too much.”
“Great. Another fucking shrink. Why me, huh, why me?”
“Because you’re interesting. Because there has to be more than bad attitude and black clothes. And I’m not a shrink. I’m a computer programmer. Computer scientist. Something we have in common.”
“I hate computes. I hate technology. And I hate being treated like a lab experiment because you’re interested or curious or whatever about the campus crank. I like my life how it is. Why is that so hard for people to understand?”
“What people?”
“My... I don’t want to talk to you about anything, much less my family.”
“Wow. She has a family. Will wonders never cease? You know, if we had walked as you yelled at me, we could be at MacNair Hall now.”
“I’m not yelling at you. You’ll know when I yell.”
“Okay, your volume wasn’t that great, but the emotional intent was the same. Why do you hate computers and technology?” Doug started walking in the direction of MacNair Hall. Hannah actually hurried to catch up to him.
“Why are you talking to me? I’ve made it clear, or at least it should be clear to most thinking humans, that I don’t want company.”
“Abundantly clear. Crystal even. If you don’t want to talk to me, don’t answer. Just because I’m walking beside you and talking doesn’t mean you have to answer. I would have thought an avowed hermit would understand that.”
“I’m not an avowed hermit.”
“You don’t want to get to know me. You don’t want to know anybody and you want to be left alone. Pretty much describes a hermit by any definition I’ve ever heard. Except they usually live way far away from other people and don’t have good personal hygiene. So, okay, maybe not an avowed hermit, but you do show tendancies toward anti-social behavior. Hmm, I wonder why someone would hate technology?”
They continued walking towards MacNair Hall. Hannah felt herself wanting to answer him, wanting to talk to him, yet she also wanted him to go away. She didn’t understand any of this. She didn’t like change. She didn’t like her routine to be disrupted and here was this... this... man who wouldn’t go away. Who wouldn’t leave her alone. Who wouldn’t do what she wanted. She smiled. That at least made him like everyone else she knows.
“A smile. I wonder what could have caused that.”
“Not you. Not directly anyway.”
“I’m the indirect cause of Hannah Pearce smiling. I can die happy.”
“You’re easy.”
“Shh. Don’t tell anyone. I have my reputation to think of.”
“What reputation?”
“As being a hard ass, take no prisoners, love ‘em and leave ‘em programmer extraordinaire.”
“I thought computer geeks only got girls they designed with Photoshop.”
“Photoshop? I thought you hated computers.”
“I do. Doesn’t mean I don’t know anything about them or the software.”
“Layered. Complex. I like that in a woman.”
“A man who knows what he likes. The end of the world must be near.”
“Only until Tuesday. Then we get a do over.”
“Any particular reason we get a do over on Tuesday?”
“God likes Tuesday.”
“More than the other days of the week?”
“Yeah, but don’t tell. Wednesday gets incredibly jealous.”
“What about Sunday?”
“Everyone else makes such a big deal about it, Sunday’s okay with Tuesday being the favorite. Besides, all God does on Sunday is watch football and sleep.”
“Definitive proof that God is male.”
“Actually he has that whole ‘transcends sexuality’ thing going for him, but Sundays are good for napping.”
Hannah looked up and found the were standing outside the entrance to her lab. She really did have a ton of work to do. So why did she want to continue this conversation? Maybe it had just been too long since she really talked to anyone that wasn’t Henry or work related and it was nice. But nice was strange. Nice was abnormal. Nice was not something that Hannah did well. At least not for long.
“We’re here. Thanks for the walk. And the conversation. It was nice. Bye, Doug.” Hannah stuck out her hand a little awkwardly for a hand shake. Doug took her hand and held it in both of his. They were so warm, but Hannah Michelle didn’t think it was just from his body heat. But what else could it be from?
“I’d like to do this again sometime.”
“Be insulted?”
“Be challenged to be interesting enough for you.”
Hannah took her hand back. He didn’t want to let go at first, but then he moved his hands just enough and she was free. She looked up into his blue eyes, confused. All she saw there was warmth and interest, reassurance. Not laughter. It didn’t look like he was making fun of her, but what else could he be doing. Why would any one want to interest her? It wasn’t like she pretended to be something she wasn’t. She wasn’t a nice person and she didn’t know how to deal with people. She was short tempered and impatient and mean to most everyone she dealt with. She knew that.
“That’s not necessary. Maybe I’ll see you around.” She turned and entered the building as quickly as she could without running.
Doug stood there for a few minutes, just watching her head up to the second floor through the glass entry way to the building. Life would be so much simpler if you could pick who you like, who you’re attracted to. But you don’t and it’s not.
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